Well, I’ve continued to neglect my blog. I keep thinking I want to write something…and sometimes, I do actually have things to write about. I just never get around to it. Well, I'm writing a lot, today.
Part of the reason I never write is that Facebook has (or had) become the new way to keep in touch with people who were not near you. This blog used to be. But that was a long time ago…which is fine.
But Facebook has become a little annoying to me. Sometimes I get updates on what people are doing. Other times I feel like I’m just reading endless spam and/or propaganda. And it seems to be more about people wanting to put say something or putting something up for a like, but not actually being interested in other people.
I mean…I guess it doesn’t have to be that way…and it isn’t always that way. But it feels like it. Plus, a lot of the friends that I’d hoped to remain in contact with via Facebook almost never post anything. …Not that I post anything very often.
Anyway, getting turned off by Facebook has kind of made me turn back to my blog a bit. And perhaps now that I’m certain no one reads this anymore, I can say more what I want. …Maybe.
Actually, I should say that my other distraction from writing here has been YouTube and….that’s probably enough said.
Still, every time November comes around, I somehow always notice it because that’s the last month of every blog season. And that’s because I started Season 1 at the end of November. Though I don’t always start the next season promptly the next day or even the next month, I try to maintain that same cutoff point.
I also usually do some reflecting on the past year since the last season ended and..I guess I’ll do that now, too. Though it won’t look too much different from last year.
I’m still considering leaving Korea and teaching in China next. I’m 99.99999% sure I really will leave...just as I was last year. Also, like last year, there could be some last minute realization I have that makes me want to stay.
The thing is, now that those last minute things already happened last year and caused me to stay another year (and it didn’t seem to change things much for the better overall), I’m not sure I’ll be so easily fooled this year.
I guess that’s not quite fair to say. In some ways, things did get better because I stayed. And, well, I’ll say financially, things could get better if I stay another year. Really, if I stay 10 years…as I’ve said before.
But also as I’ve said before, I don’t think I’ll make it, mentally, another 10 years, even though I’ve seen plenty of my friends make it just fine wherever they are for a substantial length of time.
I think the main problem is that…well, it’s kind of what it was like in Taiwan; the job wasn’t that bad, but my life outside of work wasn’t enough to want me to stay. And that’s kind of what’s happening here in Korea. I think there’s the added problem of so many jobs being cut here and some businesses going under (including my favorite hamburger place that was near me) that kind of makes me think it’s time to leave.
But there’s also the knowledge that…when I really look back on my life, I’ve spent all this time wandering from here to there or wherever and I was never entirely comfortable in any of these places and I thought if I anchored myself in one place (as I kind of have here in Korea), I could stop wandering.
But in spite of my being here so long, it still feels like I’m wandering…even though that doesn’t make sense. Maybe I just don’t want to admit that I’m not wandering, I’m just aimless.
The thing is though, when I consider the things I might better like to do or where I’d better like to be…it still seems pointless, and I can’t get over the logistics of needing money wherever else I’d be.
My dreams of living off investment income are still far in the future and the only job I know of that can get me there the soonest is the one that I’m doing now, teaching overseas. And since I generally enjoy it…seems to make sense that I keep doing it.
It is getting exhausting that I can’t take enough time off anymore for trips home, partly because the summer and winter vacations have gotten shorter, but also these flights home take a lot out of me. Well, I won’t get into that.
One of the reasons China is looking appealing to me is that I can get more time off…like three months off per year. That’s better than 3 weeks…particularly when I can’t take those three weeks in a row.
However, I’m concerned about the pollution, lack of pension, and lack of national health care. The pension is not such a small thing to overlook, especially at my age.
I’d also likely be taking a pay cut. But…I kind of figure that might be ok if I have a work schedule that I can keep over the long haul. I mean, what good is the higher pay here if I burn out too fast and can’t make it 10 years. Having three months off per year in China might make a 10 year run more manageable.
I have other back and forth considerations as well, but these would get boring to read. I think perhaps the main reason I’m hemming and hawing is simply fear. Though, in my defense, I think some of it is warranted. And I’m also…one of the reasons I’ve made an effort to stay in Korea so long, in fact…trying to fight my natural urge to bail on some place whenever I feel restless. I think that is the primary reason that I’ve been set back so much financially, and just, why I’ve gotten nowhere in life.
Because, like, here’s another consideration. If I stay one more year in Korea, that’d be 5 consecutive years (albeit, 7 total), which would make me eligible for an F visa. Of course, I’d need a sponsor and I’d need to study Korean big time. And…well, this might all be moot since one of the things making me think it’s time to move on is that there don’t seem to be teaching opportunities here anymore. I’m pretty sure F visa holders are having a hard time, too.
And maybe forcing myself to stay in one place is just a bad idea for me.
So…I think…(and I don’t like to face up to it… but whether I like it or not) it’s time to leave.
Note: It should be pointed out that even if I’m resolved on leaving, the end of my contract doesn’t coincide with the end of this season. I’d have to start a new season to give the exciting conclusion. Maybe that’ll happen. Kind of feels good to write again.
Alight. I think this post has been plenty long.
